November Spotlight - TFP Mother

Shani Clay

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Atlanta, GA, November 17, 2022

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: We found out we were pregnant with our first child in June 2022. We were beyond thrilled and had an amazing pregnancy, announcing it at our second-anniversary celebration in front of friends and family. One day at 22 weeks of pregnancy, I began feeling unwell and went to the ER, where I was found to be fully dilated. Our baby boy was perfect, and we had him with us for 12 days. Becoming a mother was the best feeling ever. When he passed, I was distraught and did not know what to do. Fortunately, through lots of prayers and family and friend support, we are making it through. Not a day goes by that I don't think about our baby boy, affectionately known as G3. I speak with him all the time, and I feel his spirit guiding me daily.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: It's ok to cry. You're human. It's ok to not be okay in this moment.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Feel every single emotion whenever they come to you regardless of where you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your grief?

A: It matched me with an amazing mentor, Chelsea. She has been such a godsend during this difficult time. Our relationship is one of the best things I've experienced these past several months, and I don't know where I would be without her.

October Spotlight - TFP Father

Adam Karrlsson-Willis

q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. Wife Michele, and two children Grace and Iris.

q. How long have you been a support coordinator?

A. 1 year.

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. My wife and I have been very active in HEAL since we lost our son in 2016. We were looking for more things to get involved in regarding child loss and family loss.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell the dads that you are supporting?

A. It is important to remember that your journey through losing your child, and through your grief process will, at times, seem worlds away from that of your partner. This is normal and ok.... give yourself and your partner as much grace as possible knowing that you are coming from different perspectives.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. The Serenity Prayer.

Q. Do you have any other book/resource recommendations you'd like to share?

A. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A. My dream job growing up as a kid was to be an epidemiologist.

September Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Jaime Williams

q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. My Husband Bobby and I currently live in Davenport Florida.

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. The Staff at Nemours Children's Hospital signed me up after my son died. Very shortly after my son and daughter died, I needed something to do as I wasn't working and was by myself a lot. I started volunteering with The Finley Project with delivering the Gala boxes and I felt so comfortable with everyone I met. I wanted to be the support a new mom needed after her loss as well.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. It's OK to not be OK.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. One song that always stops me in my tracks is Ghost by Justin Bieber. The first time I heard it was an acoustic cover by someone else and it just reached the depths of my soul.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A. I am ambidextrous.

July Spotlight - TFP Mother

Chelsea Collier

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Deltona , FL, 06-15-22

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: My story started back in December of 2021. I was working at the bakery in Publix, it was my dream to work in the bakery, and I had finally made it. I was working and going to college part-time for culinary management as well as doing my duties of being a wife and mom to my two special boys, Jimmy and Logan. The day was December 22, I remember like it was yesterday. I was bummed because I had to have a wisdom tooth pulled and I was scheduled to work all week because of the holidays. As many know, when they pull a tooth, they give you antibiotics. I had taken those before several times and been fine. But this time was different, I began to get hives all over my body, and they spread and spread. I went to urgent care to get a Benadryl shot and be on my way. They had asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant, I thought, “No way”, but went ahead and took the test. Not long after I peed on the test, I saw two dark lines appear. What a unique Christmas that was. I went to my first ob-gyn appointment on January 8th to confirm there was indeed a baby. 

At 11 weeks, we did the first ultrasound scan. I was so nervous even though I had already done this twice. But this time was different, I was high risk, already having an autoimmune disorder. I also had placenta previa and an anterior placenta. Which using all those big words in one sentence scared me to the core. I was assured by my OB that everything would be alright. I decided against the genetics tests as well, I was determined no matter what, I was going to love that baby, and I didn't need a test to point out what felt like reasons to be afraid to. I never had issues with an anterior placenta or placenta previa before. We were concerned. I was concerned. I went on to my 18-week ultrasound to measure his growth, he was right on track, and he was perfect. I still remember seeing his little nose and gushing at how much he looked like his brother Logan. And his little toes were so small and perfect. I remember them telling me to try and count kicks and how I could hardly feel Lincoln moving ever. I had my Doppler and would check on him almost daily. I had that fear that something was wrong, but I thought to myself everything is ok, my OB and the urgent care guy checked and even said he was ok. 

I made it to 27 weeks and 1 day, it was the day of my son's field trip, and Covid was going around like wildfire. I went on his field trip, and I kept feeling off and told my husband I needed to go in to get checked. So that's where it all began. I remember them asking the last time I felt him move, and I kept saying “I don't know, I don't know,” in a panic because I didn't feel him move often. I was scared and alone since my husband was at home with our other kids. I remember being hooked up to a monitor, and they kept pushing fluids and giving me things to drink. I flipped several times while monitoring which I knew wasn't a good sign. So much information was given to me all at once. I had tested positive for covid, I could not have any water or anything else, and an ultrasound tech would be in soon. She came in, and the room fell silent and then filled with doctors telling me that Lincoln's best chance of survival was to be born via emergency c-section, and I was being transported to the next closest hospital that had a level 4 NICU. I was terrified. Once I got there, I got one last belly picture and went off to the operating room. I woke up several times to the nurses doing things, and I passed back out because of the pain. When I finally came to, I was told that Lincoln was very, very sick, and there were three doctors working on him to keep him alive. He had coded twice in the process of delivery and they were working to make him stable. Being told I couldn't go see him killed every little bit I had left inside. I finally got a nurse to bring me pictures. He was beautiful. I finally was able to go down and see him and touch him, but I could not hold him as he was on an oscillator. I called my husband and told him he needed to come, that Lincoln was very sick, and I didn't know what was wrong. We spent several hours in his room with the Drs in and out, in and out. Asking us for answers on what we wanted to do if he coded. I had just had a c-section and skipped my pain meds because I was limited on time with him in more ways than one, and I knew it. We were told that Lincoln had hydrops fetalis which is rarely survivable. He had 3 different brain bleeds, and he was so touch and go, and they didn't know how much time I had. We went back and forth with our decisions about what was best for Lincoln. My husband being the optimist, and me seeing how bad things were firsthand. Lincoln survived for 19 short days, but it was long enough to leave a lasting impression on my heart. One I will never forget. At 10:10 am on June 15th, 2022, I made the selfless decision to let my sweet boy, who was too beautiful for earth, go. The Drs told me they weren't sure he would make the switch between machines, but he did. We did skin-to-skin, and he passed listening to the beat of my heart from the outside for the first time. I will always cherish the moment, the memories, the smells. I will cherish it all. I can't get it back, but I can always remember it going forward with the breeze in the air, the sun on my face, and the butterflies flying by. My sweet Lincoln Xavier will always be loved and remembered for whom he is and was: our tiny warrior.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: When you are weak and in the moment when you feel you can't say his (Lincoln's) name, I'll hold your hand in the dark and scream it to the heavens for you.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Allow yourself to feel your feelings, be present when you can, and don't rush it. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your grief?

A: The Finley project has been my lifeline in hard times, I posted something concerning and Noelle as well as My loos mom were right there to help me with the feelings and the encouraging words. The Finley project has shown me that in grief we are never alone. Also that while going through things, it's okay to accept help. The services provided helped my family and me so much while we were able to grieve, provide relief of groceries, house cleaning, and everyday life was taken off our shoulders for a second.

June Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Lizette Hernandez

q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. husband, 5 kids, mom, Orlando, Florida

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. I had a loss and was a mom myself.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. The win is conquering one day at a time.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. 2 Corinthians 12,9 and The Power of One More

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A. I love playing Mortal Kombat

May Spotlight - TFP Mother

Amy McArdle

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Charleston, SC, 2/20/23

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: My sweet Sullivan was born prematurely at just under 25 weeks. He was excelling, despite his early arrival, until he got pneumonia in the NICU. He had an extended intubation and eventually received a tracheostomy. He was thriving with his new trachea and we were finishing the steps to get him home. His death was sudden and unexpected for all of us, including his medical care team. Sullivan’s legacy lives on at the hospital with his nurses, therapists, and doctors. We are so lucky to consider them our family still to this day. Sullivan was a happy, sweet, smart little boy who has made such a lasting impact on this world. He was almost 11 months old when he passed away. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: He should be here. Somehow it helped to just hear someone else say that this shouldn’t be real life.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Give yourself grace and time. I’m still learning this myself.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project is such a gift. It provided a breath of fresh air to know there were resources available and people who have been through this as well. It can be very isolating going through the loss of a child (along with so many emotions), but it helps to walk with others who have also felt this pain.

April Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Michelle Colpean

q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. Cincinnati, OH (myself, my husband Faris, my 16 month old daughter Salma, and our angel boy Sami)

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. I read about the Finley Project after the loss of my own son but did not take advantage of the resources. As I reflected on my own experience in the wake of loss, I realized how important the one-on-one connections and visibility of parents and mothers who have experienced similar losses were to me. I just want other bereaved parents to know that even if it might not feel like it, this is survivable.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. You may not be parenting the way you want to and should be, but you are still parenting. It is your job as a parent now to protect your baby's legacy and remember them. Caring for yourself and making sure you survive is one of the most important ways to do that.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. The greatest space I've found support and encouragement is actually on Instagram (@mlcolpean) - there are so many loss moms on there looking for connection and community, and so many models of different ways to grieve and remember our babies. I read It's OK That You're Not OK by therapist Megan Devine soon after my loss, and it helped me process a lot of my feelings in the moment. A bit later I read memoirist Emily Rapp Black's Still Point of the Turning World and Sanctuary, where she process the loss of her son and the life she's lived since. I recently loved comedian Rob Delaney's A Heart That Works, about the loss of his son. I've needed different perspectives at different parts of my journey through loss, but it always helps for me to read the experiences of people who have also experienced similar losses, and to see what is possible in the wake of loss.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A. I recently got a tattoo of my late son's name on my arm, directly inspired by one of the moms I was paired with as a support volunteer through the Finley Project (with her permission to borrow the idea, of course). I showed my tattoo artist her beautiful Luca tattoo as an example for my Sami tattoo.

March Spotlight - TFP Mother

Alyssa Tetrault

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Northern Virginia, July 29, 2021

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: I had always said I wanted 3 or 4 children, but deep down I always knew I wanted 4. We tried for baby number 4 and got pregnant quickly thereafter. Everything went well during the first trimester, including a normal nuchal translucency screen. We opted for genetic testing because we always have, but never expected anything but normal results because it never occurred to us that you could be pregnant with a baby that couldn't survive out of utero. We happily announced we were expecting baby #4 at the 14-week mark only to find out a few days later that our genetic testing came back indicating our baby had Trisomy 18. I remember checking out at Target when I took the call. I was happily buying new bedding for the bunk beds we purchased so we could consolidate rooms and make room for our brand-new addition. As I listened to the genetic counselor, it was as if I was on autopilot. I just kept scanning items mindlessly while my heart pounded and my stomach dropped. The words, "incompatible with life," were mentioned and for some reason, my brain couldn't really understand that. The next day we went on a 2-week vacation that we had been looking forward to for months. I did my best to keep my mind off of the news, but honestly, it was impossible. At 16 weeks, we underwent an amniocentesis to make a diagnosis and sadly the diagnosis was confirmed. I remained pregnant for 9 weeks after we received the news and they were the hardest 9 weeks of my life. Around a week before we lost Miles, I decided I couldn't keep living like this. I needed to celebrate his existence, I wanted to give him new experiences, and I wanted to have joy in my life again. We went on a family outing and went fishing with our kids. I remember that day thinking I hadn't felt him move much and that I needed to check with my doppler. That Monday I went to work and thought the same thing, he wasn't moving much that I could tell. Tuesday morning I finally remembered to pull out my doppler and I couldn't find his heartbeat. We called my doctor and were brought in immediately to find that he had passed away. We were scheduled for an induction the next morning and it was the hardest labor of my life. 18 hours, fever, chills, fear, all of it for 18 hours just to meet our baby boy that we would never hear laugh, cry, or speak ever. After I finished pushing him out, I distinctly remember the deafening silence of the room. I don't know why I didn't expect that, but the silence was awful. It was just the sound of me sobbing and the silence of the nurses and doctor looking at me with such sad faces. We spent about 9 hours with Miles before we turned him over to the funeral director for cremation. We took pictures, we bathed him in rose petals, we cried, and we rested. It was a transformative experience for us as a family and especially for me as a mother. I don't wish it upon anyone, but I will say that it made me a stronger person, a more loving spouse, and a more loving and grateful mother. We have since had our rainbow baby, Laken Love (her middle name is a tribute to her big brother Miles) and she has been such a wonderful gift to our family. While our pain from losing Miles will never be gone, she certainly makes celebrating his 2nd birthday much easier.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: I know you can't believe it now, but you will survive this. Right now it is awful and it hurts, but I promise you, you will survive it.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Feel your feelings and acknowledge your loss. There is no timeline for grief. Find those that understand and hold them close and don't be afraid to protect yourself until you are ready to face those that can't and don't understand.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The support has been irreplaceable, especially the mentor connection and check-ins.

February Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Janine Puerta

Q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. Pablo and Elena, Groveland, FL

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. I was a recipient of The Finley Project and all its blessings in September 2019 after the loss of my daughter, Paulina Faith. Once I knew I was able, I wanted to pass that love and support along to another. This support kept me going during the darkest period of my life.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. Absolutely no one can and should tell you how to feel or invalidate your feelings. They are real, strong, and yours, with no timeline!

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight for the true faith". It is not always our plan or our way but that is what faith is.

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. It is very sweet, geared towards siblings, to help them understand that their sister or brother is not physically present.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A.  I have a grown son with 2 granddaughters and a kindergartener all at the same time!

January Spotlight - TFP Mother

Sara Reyes

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Central Florida, September 2022

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: My partner Carlos and I found out we were pregnant with our Cypress, in March 2022 and I never looked back. I had already had a first-trimester miscarriage 9 months ago, that couldn't happen again, right?! I enjoyed my pregnancy so much! I felt Cypress move early on, and we decided on their name early, too. I had been open about my miscarriage so our whole community was extra thrilled for us to welcome our rainbow baby. Everything was going smoothly, with no red flags or issues. But that all changed at a routine 30-week appointment when they couldn't find Cypress' heartbeat. We rushed to the hospital, where it was confirmed they were gone. We decided to go home to process a bit and see our 4-year-old, Rosemary. I'll never forget the three of us sitting together, with my big belly, telling her, her sibling was dead. They would never be born or live. They wouldn't get to grow up together. Rosemary asked a lot of questions, most of which we didn't have answers to. And said one of the most beautiful things: "They'll never get to tell us what they go by". We were waiting to find out the assigned gender and had been using they/them pronouns so after delivery when Cypress was assigned female we decided to use they/she pronouns moving forward. The hospital still let me have my VBAC and stay pretty natural. It took a few days for my body to kick into gear, but once I was able to mentally accept that my baby was gone, the intense part of labor was less than two hours. Carlos and I both got to hold Cypress' body and see their black hair and long, skinny toes. I'm so grateful we decided to take pictures, at first there was only sadness when I looked at them but now, almost a year in, I'm able to find pieces of joy in them and we have some framed in our home. I was so worried about how Rosemary would navigate all of this, but she's honestly taught us so much. She is constantly creating art and making up songs about Cypress "being in the wind" and reminding us that "It's ok to cry, crying gets the sad out". It makes me realize we've done a few things right and can get through this as a family. Cypress shows us their love by sending us small scrub birds like bluebirds, tufted titmice, and pine warblers. We're all slowly healing and finding ways to connect with Cypress every day. I'm grateful for the Finley Project community to help continue that process.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: That they will always say Cypress' name. That they won't forget them.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Many people in your life want to support you but don't know what to do or say. Let them help if they take action with tangible things but it's not your job to figure it out for them. Center yourself in this time, you don't owe anyone a return text or explanation if you don't have the energy for it. The folks who are truly your support system will still be there after this fog starts to fade a bit and you find the energy to tell them what you need.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project has helped my family immensely. The first few months I was in such a fog that the gifts of housecleaning and grocery gift cards keep us afloat. I'm still working with the therapist they connected me with and have found support among the community of other grieving parents too.

December Spotlight - TFP VOLUNTEER

Brooke Charlan

Q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. Matt Charlan (Husband) and Avery Charlan (Daughter)/ Maitland FL

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. Anchor Church

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. Don't give up hope! Recovery is a different journey for everyone and everyone's journey is unique. If you feel pressure, "unplug" from social media for a while and focus on one day at a time. 

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

 A. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou. A book that has encouraged me lately is Atomic Habits.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

 A.  I am better at managing my husband's chore list than mine!

November Spotlight - tfp mother

Tierra Ravenell

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Charleston, SC, May 22, 2021

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: I found out I was pregnant on January 4, 2021. I found out super early because I track my period and when it was one day late I already had a feeling but I waited until I was 5 days late to test. It came back positive, of course. It was the perfect pregnancy. No symptoms other than me being extremely tired. My appetite decreased but it was nothing to panic over. I carried small so no one even believed I was pregnant when they found out. I’m telling you - perfect pregnancy. I went in at 19 weeks (2 weeks before Mother's Day) to find out the gender. I only gave the envelope to my best friend so I could do a gender reveal the day before Mother’s Day. I was so excited to find out my baby was a boy! About a week later after my first Mother’s Day, I went into my regular 4-week checkup. I was extremely excited…my OB had said everything looked good still I just needed to drink more water that particular day. So right before I go to leave she tells me she wanted to check the heartbeat like we always had at every visit. At this point, I was excited because I loved hearing my baby’s heartbeat! When she went to take the Doppler out and place it on my stomach…the face she was making made my heart sink. I already knew something was wrong & I had a feeling I had lost my baby. She immediately calls for a nurse to rush me into an emergency ultrasound because she said she couldn’t hear a heartbeat but not to panic (of course I’m panicking) and not to mention this was the first doctor appointment I went to alone. I went in for an ultrasound to not only find out again my son's heartbeat stopped but I had to see his dead body in my stomach on that screen. The next day I was scheduled to be induced to give birth to my sleeping son at 24 weeks. I never thought I’d experience labor like that for the first time but this was definitely the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had in life and it still feels unreal even after 2 years.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: You don’t know me but every time you come across my timeline a say a prayer for you, your boyfriend, and your beautiful angel baby. I hope you’re doing ok! You’re beautiful and in such a short time I can tell you were a great mother to your baby boy. I hope you’re having a great day and this message helps make it better. Just know you got people you don’t even know rooting for you Queen.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Take your time grieving, it literally comes in waves. Some days are better than others. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: Counseling services, forming friendships with awesome women and continuously having their support.

October Spotlight - TFP Mother

Briana Martin

Q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. My husband ( Jamie ), My son ( Travis ) , My daughter ( Alayiah ) My grandmother ( Chris )

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. When I was in the hospital I got a folder with different groups that help and The Finley Project stuck out to me. I wanted to get involved because I want to be able to help mothers like me.

 Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. Don't feel like you’re alone.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

 A. This City by Sam Fischer

 Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

 A.  I have to have a very good support system and if I don’t I go back into my depression.

September Spotlight - TFP Mother

Alisea Montanez

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Ocoee, 2018

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: I had a lot of health complications that resulted in the loss of my sweet baby boy Julian. He was born sleeping and I think the moment his heart stopped mine did too. I could go over all the things that happened and what caregivers could have done to save him but I’m so thankful that through the hardest time in my life, he saved me. Julian woke me up, so now I smell the roses, play in the rain, and live and love like each day is a gift from him. I no longer go through the motions or complain about the day-to-day tasks because I’m so grateful to be able to open my eyes. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: In the midst of my grief, the best thing that someone said was nothing. I appreciated all my loved ones that said nothing and just sat in awkwardness and pain. They didn’t give me a silver lining but they used gifts to acknowledge my son.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Fall apart first. Cry, sleep, eat, and write. But don’t hide your pain because you’ve always had to be the strong one. It’s okay to be weak it’s in those moments. You find out how strong you truly are not by faking healing, but by going through it. I wasn’t honest with myself for a long time because I was so used to pretending I was okay. I learned you can bury your child but that doesn’t bury the memories or trauma. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project helped me learn how to fill my own cup when I had no strength to do it myself. I was given the okay to just be sad without feeling guilty about making dinner. I had a listening ear that didn’t judge me and the things done for me that I never would have done for myself. I learned that self-care and removing the checklist of what had to be done helped me heal, hope, and live again. 

August spotlight - TFP Mother

Melissa Burnham

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Sanford, FL. January 1, 2023.

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: •:•Radio silence•:• January 1, 2023 • 2:03am 

As some of you are aware and others perhaps not, we suffered a tremendous loss. Unexpectedly, at a routine visit, it was announced that there was no fetal heart rate detectable. We were blindsided by this news that absolutely devastated us. Our hearts are shattered. The whole room starts spinning and you want to believe your life is just a movie in that moment. What led to our daughter’s death was ultimately explained by the doctors to us as an umbilical cord injury visible at birth. This led to me being in a very serious medically concerning situation. After a five-day consecutive stay in the hospital, we were met with news of cremation arrangements as she had passed away prior to her arrival into this world. We must learn to navigate moving forward together as husband & wife. Leaving the hospital with empty arms. As we make major decisions to move forward as a family we hope to be met with compassion, understanding, patience, and love. 

Our hearts died that day, and we have not lost faith in the future of our family. However, during this time of tremendous grief, as we face these obstacles, major changes had to be set in place for us to heal from what we have faced. Please be gentle with us when bringing up what happened. It is part of our message to have been able to have these experiences.

You never think things like this will happen to you until they do. We wanted to keep the situation private but wanted to use our platforms to express our pain. I hope that if anyone else has gone through something similar that they will experience an ounce of comfort knowing that they are not alone in their dismay. It wasn’t until going through this experience that we recognized that this happens to 1 out of 4 women. It averages a person two years to overcome the trauma from these situations. Dreams never die. We hope that we will be blessed with a child someday upon recovering from our situation and that we remain grounded in support as we try to move forward. 

Please send love to our family

In loving memory of Layla Xoey Burnham

With love,

Mom & Dad 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: Remember to expect nothing and appreciate everything and never forget the impact that Layla has.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Take care of yourself as you wish you could have taken care of them. Remember what it is like to be as nurturing to yourself as you are to others in your life. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: It has tremendously alleviated some of the most difficult times we have had emotionally navigating as a new family. Without them, we would not be as strong and tightly knit as a family still. We really owe them for bringing us together in times when we felt life was falling apart. It was a huge light in the darkness for us. We have been so grateful for those who have touched our lives throughout our experiences with The Finley Project.

JUNE Spotlight - TFP VOLUNTEER

Justine Wan

Q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. My name is Justine and I live in North Carolina with my husband, two living children, and a mini dachshund. Our firstborn, Steven, was born still in 2018.

Q. How did you first hear about The Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A. Someone I had met in an online support group told me about The Finley Project, and I was a Program mom in 2018. We were living in a town where we didn’t know anyone and had little support, and I remember how overwhelming the grief was in that first year. I never wanted any other parent to feel as alone as I did, so I signed up to be a support coordinator.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A. You are a wonderful mom and your love for your child(ren) is beautiful. You do not owe it to anyone to grieve in any particular way or on any specific timeline. Grief never goes away but will evolve over time.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik_BQYbbZ5U - this particular song version showed up in my life in multiple ways after Steven died and I consider it his song for us.

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A. I run my own marketing company, Sidewalk Marketing Co. and my expertise allows me to help out with The Finley Project’s monthly newsletters and website!

May Spotlight - TFP Mother

Lesa Brackbill

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Hershey, PA, March 27, 2016

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: When Tori was five months old we saw major changes almost overnight. She stopped meeting milestones, was crying constantly and wanted to be held, she was throwing up almost every time she ate, she stopped laughing, talking, playing, smiling, etc. We began to pursue answers after she was like this for a week and the pediatrician initially thought it was reflux, a common problem in babies. He gave her meds for ten days and they didn't work. On January 30, 2015 we took her to the ER for a CT scan because he began to suspect hydrocephalus. The CT scan revealed brain abnormalities and our world began to crumble. She had an MRI the following week, was admitted to the hospital for five days, and we found out on Friday, February 13th that our six-month-old daughter was dying. She had Krabbe Disease, a form of leukodystrophy. 

The neurologist was gentle in her delivery but the news was devastating. We were told that day that it was genetic, she would likely not live past the age of two (which she didn't), and that we shouldn't have more children. Even worse, we were told that if they had screened her for Krabbe at birth through Newborn Screening, we could have treated it. That moment clarified my calling and I knew Newborn Screening advocacy was how I'd spend the rest of my life (and I do, through LDNBS.org). We had a bucket list and did 50 adventures with her, giving her the best possible life we could. She died on March 27, 2016 at home. Since then, I wrote a book (Even So, Joy) and successfully changed the laws here in PA to improve and expand NBS. We have identified five babies with Krabbe Disease since we began screening in May 2021. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: There's no right or wrong way to grieve and it's okay to be selfish.

Q: If you had adviCe for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Don't run from the grief. Feel it, embrace it because it means you loved deeply and lost greatly. Find ways to turn your grief into a legacy for your child if that helps. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: We were connected with The Finley Project after Tori died and the support we received was so appreciated. Not having to cook dinner for a couple of weeks, or having our house cleaned, those simple tasks can feel so heavy after losing a child. They allowed us to begin healing and eased our burden in ways that no one else did.

April Spotlight - TFP Mother

Kayla Vandergrift

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Titusville, Fl, September 10th, 2020

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: Hello, my name is Kayla. In my late 20s, I was diagnosed with PCOS and told that, more than likely, I would never get pregnant on my own. I went years believing that I would never have children. When I met Saylor’s father, Bjorn, my life changed completely. A year after dating, we discovered that we were pregnant. Naturally! It was the scariest yet best moment of my life! I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant!! We found out that we were having a baby girl and couldn’t have been happier. We were both so ready to share life with her, teach her everything we possibly could, and love her unconditionally. 

Feeling our sweet Saylor grow and kick was the highlight of our life. Imagining what kind of personality she would have, since she was so fiesty in the womb. At our 20-week check, Saylor was diagnosed with Gastroschisis. We were scared for our sweet girl, but we were assured that it could be helped after she was born. At 35 weeks, I went to a regular stress test, and her heartbeat couldn’t be found. I was sent upstairs for an ultrasound where they confirmed that our sweet girl had passed away. Our lives were forever changed. My mind was rushed with thoughts of how I will never see her smile, hear her cry or laugh, I would never know the person she would become. 

On September 12th, 2020, at 1:33pm, we welcomed our precious Saylor to the world. Finally seeing her little face, all of those feelings of sorrow and sadness left me. Even though my heart was in great pain, it was filled with so much love seeing my daughter for the first time. 

I was sent information on The Finley Project by another mother who lost her little love. I cannot thank TFP for how they have helped us during our journey. I was shown so much love and understanding through the pain. It breaks my heart that we all are walking such a path, but I do not know where I would be without the support that I have received during this journey. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: I wouldn’t say it was something someone said, but more of the actions that everyone had around me. Everyone let me grieve how I saw fit to grieve. If I was with family or friends and I needed to walk away and cry, no one stopped me.  If I felt I wasn’t able to go to a family gathering or any kind of social get-together I wasn’t judged for it. I can’t express how thankful I am to have the support I did because I know not everyone has that.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: That grief has no timeline. There’s no handbook that tells you how you are supposed to grieve your child. you do whatever it is that YOU feel is right for you. You take AS LONG as you need to heal. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project has given me a safe place to grieve the loss of my baby girl. I cannot express how thankful I am to have such support, love, and kindness during our journey.

March Spotlight - TFP Mother

Karen Sierra

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Florida, 9/7/22

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: We were ready to grow our family. We have a 10-year-old daughter, her name is Layla. It was time to start trying for a baby. We found out we were pregnant in April; we were so happy. Our plan was to move out of our small New York apartment and move to Florida to give both our daughters a big home that they deserve. 

In June, I was around 16 weeks pregnant when my doctor checked me and told me my cervix was short, but we weren’t too worried. By our next appointment, I was around 20 weeks, and my cervix was 3cm dilated and funneling. I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and hospitalized to delay preterm labor. By this time, we were only in Florida for one month, I just started my new job in a hospital and Eddy was waiting to start his new remote job with an automotive warranty company, Layla just started 5th grade. We were not ready for this journey. 

Eddy and Layla would come visit me in the hospital as much as they could, there were good days and bad days for all of us. During my entire stay in the hospital, I had 7 IVs, 4 beta steroid injections, magnesium, 2 spinals, and an epidural to prevent preterm labor. This all caused me to have extreme PTSD. At 23 weeks, I had an emergency C-section. Nailah Sol Polanco was born on August 19th at 4:31 p.m. she was 1 pound 5 oz. She was our beautiful, strong baby. Every day we would wait for a phone call from the NICU with her update, we would visit her as often as we could and just admire her. On September 7th, Nailah passed away she fought for 19 days. She developed an infection in her stomach, and her heart stopped, the doctors were not able to save her. We had her cremated so we could finally bring her home. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: “Grief is just love with no place to go.”

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Please be patient with yourself. Scream and cry when you need to, you are still an amazing mom to your angel baby. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project was a major support system for me. Starting with the H.E.A.L group, to having a support mom that I felt very connected to and that listened to every emotion I was feeling with no judgment.

February Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Brittany Eckersen

Q. Who are your family members and where do you live?

A. I’m Brittany Eckersen, and my family is just myself and my fiancé Cody. We are in Debary FL.

Q. How did you first hear about the Finley Project and what made you want to get involved as a support coordinator?

A.  I heard about The Finley Project from Advent Hospital Orlando where I delivered my son in November 2018, I wanted to become a support coordinator to help other women who are unfortunately going through this experience by letting them know it’s okay to feel all the emotions you feel.

Q. What is one word of advice that you tell your moms that you are supporting?

A.  Patience! Be patient with yourself through all the ups and downs.

Q. Do you have a scripture/quote/book/or song that has encouraged you lately?

A. “A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”

Q. What is something that people may not know about you or would be surprised to learn?

A.  I was born with only one kidney!

January spotlight - tfp Mother

Jasmine Ellis

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Lexington, Kentucky

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: I was pregnant with twin girls, Joya and Gianna. At ten weeks gestation, I was diagnosed with the unforgiving condition of Twin to Twin syndrome. After undergoing two surgeries in hopes of saving them, I ended up losing them both: Gianna at 19 weeks post-operatively and Joya shortly after birth at 22 weeks gestation. Although I wanted them both, my hope was that I would 'at least' be able to keep one (Joya) after the heartbreaking demise of Gianna. At 22 weeks gestation, I went into early labor that was unable to be stopped. Joya was born first, and only lived for about 1.5 hours, Gianna followed as my stillborn angel. I miss them daily.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: Although you can't see it now, this will not always consume you. Eventually, you will learn to simply live and tolerate the pain. 

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Allow yourself to do whatever makes you happy at that moment. Allow yourself to grieve the way you need to and do not keep it bottled in. It is ok to say 'I need help', and to talk to someone about your feelings. Grief has zero time limit; grieve the way you need to. Let it out!

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: It helped me to be able to function in life again and to be able to talk about my trauma without reservation. It helped me to realize that it was NOT my fault and that there are other mothers out there who have felt what I feel and that I am NOT alone.

December spotlight - tfp Mother

Jackie Morin

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Durham, NC / September 27, 2021

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: For years, I thought I was unable to conceive and have children. I had made full peace with this insight and, shortly after, found out I was pregnant with my first child in June 2021. I remember the day June 15th because it was the same day I had to great my breast exam. I had a lump they wanted to check, however, I couldn't do the mammogram because I took a pregnancy test before my appointment. I was grateful that my breasts were healthy but in shock that I was pregnant.

I had all sorts of terrible thoughts that entered my Spirit. However, I knew I wanted my baby. I didn't have healthcare at the time and got my prenatal care at a great free clinic in Raleigh, NC. Everything went well until they wanted to transfer me to a high-risk clinic for my thyroid.

I had never gotten an ultrasound from the clinic and I had thought that was beyond strange. They told me I had to wait 16 weeks for one. However, during that time they were transitioning me to the high-risk clinic. The Monday I was supposed to go to that high-risk clinic was the day I went into early labor. 

I was 19 weeks when I gave birth to my baby girl, Juniper. She was everything I dreamed of and more.

I was feeling contractions all throughout that Sunday before and I thought that was normal because I never felt contractions before. Later that day, I pulled myself out the bed to take a shower. I thought maybe standing in the hot water will ease the pain. After I got dressed, I went to use the bathroom and found blood in my underwear.

I knew what was happening and had my husband, Rem drive me to UNC hospital. I cried in the car, walking to the ER, in the emergency room, in the triad, and all through that Sunday night. Our doctor was kind and our nurse was even more kind, like a Saint almost. It was very important to me to be taken care of by a Black woman and my nurse Danielle was everything you can pray for while experiencing a traumatic loss like this. She had found Rem, crying intensely outside of our delivery room and kneeled down to his level, and just held him. She did the same with me and I allowed myself to cry all my pain onto her soft shoulder.

After I gave birth to Juniper, I had lost a lot of blood but thankfully enough after I pushed out the placenta, which felt like another baby. The bleeding had stopped and my body was healing herself instantly.

Juniper was alive for only a couple of hours. We got to love on her as much as we possibly could. I played jazz music all night and she took her deepest breaths when Rem would hold her.

They let us stay overnight and we kept her body in the crib. I laid across that crib and cried until the morning. I think the pain was overwhelming for Rem because he had passed out and when into the deepest sleep I've ever seen. I stayed awake talking to Juniper though she had long passed.

The next day, they promised us they will take care of her body until the funeral home would get her. We left that hospital with a box filled with loving trinkets and no baby. I cried as I left, the sun warm against my face as Rem was getting the car. I had given birth to my baby only for her to not be in my arms.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: She will come back to me in many ways than one. 

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Time is truly your greatest Healer. In the beginning, all of the pain feels like it's physically hurting you. Then weeks turn into months and though the pain never leaves your body, you slowly learn to manage your heartache. It's still there, it never leaves however you're able to still breathe, wake up, and live life in honor of your baby.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: Oh I love The Finley Project! Just its existence alone brings me peace. I'm so grateful for TFP. I was able to have access to therapy when I truly needed it and I have learned that massages help with my womb healing.  Oftentimes, there are little to no resources for unique cases like miscarriages and pregnancy loss. It feels great to be a part of TFP.

November spotlight - tfp Volunteer

We're excited to introduce our new Social Media Coordinator, Jenna Cuccionilli! She was previously a program mom after her son, Graham, was stillborn. She will be supporting The Finley Project social media efforts to spread awareness about Pregnancy and Infant Loss and updates for our organization. Welcome to the team, Jenna!

October spotlight - tfp Mother

Kelsey Prendergast

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Michigan, 5/3/21

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: Asher was our son who was finally conceived after many rounds of IVF. Three egg retrievals, one chemical pregnancy, two failed transfers, two first trimester losses, two laparoscopies, one d&c, one myomectomy, and one egg retrieval from my best friend, who was our donor. 

We were over the moon happy after we hit 12 weeks with a clear NIPT. We thought we finally had our moment. I remember crying in my car out of happiness. My brain was quiet; I wasn’t going over every possible “what if.” I was so ready to be a mom and how special it was for my son to be the ultimate gift from my best friend who had watched me struggle all these years. 

However, on April 30, after I had just been to the doctor 2 days before, something felt not right. My doctor was on call, he told me to come to triage just for peace of mind, not worried that anything was wrong. Except it was. I was dilated with bulging membranes. I was admitted to labor and delivery, as cases like these normally progress into labor fairly quickly. I was in shock. The night passed pretty uneventfully and I was transferred to the antepartum unit until I could clear a 48hr watch for infection so I could get an emergency vaginal cerclage. 

The next day was also uneventful, we snuck my best friend in with carry-out food and we all talked about how I would likely be spending my summer in the hospital. But, late that night, about an hour after my husband had gone home to sleep, I started having back pain. I knew what was going to happen. I put off paging my nurse because that meant it was real. I called my husband, who got to the hospital right as I was being hooked up to the monitor. I was having contractions every 3 minutes or so.  I went back to labor and delivery around 12am.

Small contractions soon progressed to excruciating pain and I was unable to receive an epidural because I had just taken my blood thinners a few hours prior. I labored all night, sometimes falling asleep between contractions from sheer exhaustion. Only 20 minutes before the anesthesiologist was about to give me an epidural (12 hours after my blood thinners), our little boy made his early entrance into the world on 5/3/2021 around 8:45 am at 19 weeks and 3 days. 

We held him for an hour while his heart was beating. I cried and apologized for my body letting him down. I was diagnosed with incompetent cervix due to silent dilation. There was no infection, no reason for the loss aside from faulty anatomy, after all this time. 

Three months after we lost Asher, I was sent to a specialist for a transabdominal cerclage to prevent any future loss of a baby due to weight on my cervix. We are destined to be parents and determined not to let Asher’s loss be for nothing. We will never forget our firstborn who made us parents and we miss him every single day.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: You know it’s starting to get easier when it’s not the first thing you think of every morning when you wake up.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: It doesn’t get easier to accept the loss of your child, but you will grow and learn how to cope. Spend time in nature, you will see your little one in the clouds and flowers. You will hear them in the breeze and in the birds chirping. They will always be with you.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: Giving me a support person who could relate to my loss has helped so much. Just having that additional support person there who gets what I’m going through. The gift cards also helped a lot; doing everyday tasks was so hard for so long. 

september spotlight - tfp Volunteer

Mary Talhouk

Continue to use the name of the child who has passed away.

Q. WHO ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

A. I grew up in Boston, Ma. and moved to Orlando about 30 years ago for a job transfer in the Hotel Industry. I moved with my husband, who I have been married to for 38 years. He is from Lebanon, I keep trying to learn how to speak Arabic. However, I have only mastered a few words. 

We have three awesome grandchildren. A set of identical twins who are 8 and they have a big brother who will be 11 this summer. We are so very lucky to see them for most of the summer since we go back to New England for a few months.

Q. HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT THE FINLEY PROJECT AND WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED AS A SUPPORT COORDINATOR?

A.  Well, I decided it was time to go to the gym. And when I was on the treadmill, I would watch the local news, hoping the time would go by fast. I was lucky enough to see Noelle interviewed by our local Orlando news team. I felt so compelled to help, I contacted the Finley Project that afternoon. It is so fulfilling to lend a hand either by phone, text, or email.

Q. WHAT IS ONE WORD OF ADVICE THAT YOU TELL YOUR MOMS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING?

A.  While I do not specifically say this to the Moms, I practice it and my hope and wish is that others do as well. Continue to use the name of the child who has passed away. I believe saying their names will give warmth and comfort. I also hope that the parents “feel” their child around them. Often times I “feel” that someone I have lost has “visited” me and then something happens that reminds me so much of them. I cherish those moments and those loved ones. I encourage people to not just say, “I’m OK” but rather, say how they really feel. I am confident when you say how you feel it may help you through your journey.

Q. DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPTURE/QUOTE/BOOK/OR SONG THAT HAS ENCOURAGED YOU LATELY?

 A.   Well, I always have music on and am inspired by many songs. Although, one that my step-daughter introduced me to and she danced to at her wedding is: I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack: (This is my favorite lyric) 

Promise Me That You’ll Give Faith A Fighting Chance, 

And When You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance, 

I Hope You Dance, I Hope You Dance

Q. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU OR WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN?

 A.  I love flowers, poems, reading, and trying a little jewelry making. I have a degree in Sociology and Child Welfare and children make my heart soar and I am sure that was why I was drawn to The Finley Project.

august spotlight - tfp mother

Alyssa Dipirro

Don’t stop talking about your baby and find a way to honor them.

q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Orlando, FL, 10/3/21

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: When I was 31 weeks pregnant I was told that Cyrus has Cystic Hygromas and fetal hydrops in his chest. I was admitted to the hospital and underwent a variety of tests including amniocentesis. I stayed in the hospital being monitored while we waited for me to get to 35 weeks. During this time we were told Cyrus’s genetic results came back clear, that his organs looked good, that his heart looked good, that the hygromas were cosmetic, and that the hydrops would likely resolve themselves. We knew there’d be some time in the hospital but everything seemed to be going ok. 

The night before I was supposed to have my c-section, Cyrus stopped having accelerations in his heart and they grew concerned. They decided to begin the procedures to drain some of my fluid and then his hydrops and cysts and to deliver him. But when they administered the epidural, his heart rate dropped and they had to rush the C-section. 

Cyrus was born but wasn’t breathing. They intubated him and put in chest tubes and he needed medicine for his blood pressure to help him clot. Over the next few days, he seemed to be improving but at our first meeting, we were told that he was so much worse than we realized. He had low brain activity and his kidneys weren’t working. He still wasn’t clotting right and he had a brain bleed. On top of that, he was still having fluid build-up in his chest cavity. We were told to start considering redirecting his care to make him more comfortable. 

We waited and prayed and watched for signs of improvement and once again he seemed to be doing better but at our next meeting, they revealed more issues. His small improvements just weren’t enough. We had to make the decision to let him go. On October 3 we held him and loved him while they removed all his tubes and medicines and he passed away.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: We did right by Cyrus and prevented so much suffering.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Don’t stop talking about your baby and find a way to honor them.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The counseling has been tremendous but having other people who understand has been priceless. 

July Spotlight - TFP Mother

Amanda Bitterman

Get a good support system and reach out if you need it. You are not alone in this.

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Tuscaloosa, AL 02/11/18

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: My sweet Charlie Mae was stillborn at 33 weeks. She had Triploidy and touched so many hearts during my pregnancy. She was so strong and held on for so long so that we could hold her. She taught me unconditional love and we were so blessed with the time I got to carry her.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: That it was okay to not be okay.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Get a good support system and reach out if you need it. You are not alone in this.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: It helped save me, honestly. I was so against counseling when I lost Charlie Mae, but it was the best thing I could have done. The Finley Project introduced me to a grief counselor that really helped me through so much. The Finley Project and Noelle were always there if you needed them and I needed that SO much. I still recommend The Finley Project to newly bereaved moms because it was life-changing for me.

June Spotlight - TFP Mother

Emilee Ann Candelaria

Do what you want to do and call it self care.

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A. Windermere, FL, February 19, 2021

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss.

A: We got pregnant with twins and lost our baby Ace in the first trimester. We were devastated but grateful to have our daughter Reese. Unfortunately, my water broke and she was born at 20 weeks. She lived for about thirty minutes, taking gulps of breath on my chest. She was beautiful. I’ve heard it gets easier as you go but in my experience, it hurts the same every day.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: Grief is love.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: Do what you want to do and call it self care.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: The Finley Project helped me start again. I had to buy groceries and cook them to feed my two-year-old. I had to find a therapist but I had just moved to a new state and couldn’t find one until The Finley Project matched me. I needed friends, moms who knew without me saying anything. I needed The Finley Project.

MAY SPOTLIGHT

Q. WHO ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

A. I live in Sugar Land, Texas with Jeremy, our baby girl Rosie, step-daughter Elisa, and angel big brother Marty.

Q. HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT THE FINLEY PROJECT AND WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED AS A SUPPORT COORDINATOR?

A.  I heard about it right after we lost our son, Marty in 2019. A friend of ours told us about it and I was teamed up with the most amazing Support Coordinator. I wanted to be a Coordinator from the very beginning and waited until I was emotionally ready to help others. 

Q. WHAT IS ONE WORD OF ADVICE THAT YOU TELL YOUR MOMS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING?

A.  We can't parent our children here on earth like we would our earth-side children, but what we CAN do is parent them by putting one foot in front of the other, getting out of bed in the mornings when we don't want to, helping others in their honor, etc. 

Q. DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPTURE/QUOTE/BOOK/OR SONG THAT HAS ENCOURAGED YOU LATELY?

 A. “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Khalil Gibran.
A book resource I recommend is The Light Between Us, By Laura Lynne Jackson.

Q. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU OR WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN?

 A.  I have been an Interior Designer for seventeen years! (shows how old I am!)

April Spotlight - TFP Mother

Olivia Phelps

Baby: Benjamin Austin Earl Phelps

In the simplest most basic nutshell, “This too shall pass”. It just takes one foot in front of the other to move. Stay in bed, don’t go to work, don’t answer emails, let the phone ring, let yourself be in your grief, and mourn your baby when you need to. It’s ok. Then as days go on, when you feel like getting dressed, putting makeup on, or allowing yourself to smile and laugh again, that’s totally ok too.

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Tallahassee, Florida, May 11, 2021

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: My story is one of joyful release and achievement to the uttermost devastation of our child’s loss, to rediscovering grace and direction. My husband and I conceived with the help of a fertility specialist after having my tubes completely removed. Everything about the preparation of my mind and my body and my spirit gave me such confidence this pregnancy and this new venture of motherhood was going to be the best ever! Only now can I look back through all the devastating trauma and say it was.

Benjamin Austin Earl Phelps was born on April 23, 2021, at Shand’s hospital in Gainesville. He was surrounded by his two big brothers, his Daddy, and me along with a team of the best medical professionals I have had the experience of working with. By looking at his perfect ten fingers and perfect ten toes; his identical nose to his daddy, and a beautiful head of hair, you would never ever know he was not expected to even be born alive, let alone live beyond delivery.

He came into this world screaming and squirming and crying with living color in his skin exceeding all expectations! He was flawless…except for his heart. Benjamin did not have a singular or even double diagnosis for how his heart was formed. The entire structure of his heart, from valves to arteries to walls to blood flow and direction was astray. He would have to have a full heart transplant. This incredible child fought for 18 days to get away from all the noise machines and back into Mama and Daddy’s arms. His will to live was astounding. He would get excited hearing the familiar voices of visitors and loved to be touched. (Very uncommon in the NICU as I was told.)

On his final day, we were able to hold him one last time after a detrimental episode the night before. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to make it to the transplant. He was supposed to be recovering. He was supposed to be here with us, coming home. “If love could have saved you, you would still be here”.

We came home to Tallahassee with a box, not a baby. Feeling his little perfect body go cold was enough to destroy all hope of this being a dream. We have a very small family and had just moved to Tallahassee, not knowing anyone. We had amazing support from the few people who were surrounding us but the support from the team at UF-Shand’s hospital and The Finley Project made the world of a difference for me and our family. My life and healing journey would have been so much different without the friends, family, and these two commendable organizations. Now that we are approaching closer to Benjamin’s one-year anniversary, I find myself empowered. And hopeful. With new goals and humble gratitude for a life filled with grace through these trials. I miss Benjamin, my baby boy, every minute of every day, but I am so grateful for the time we were permitted to spend with him. It brings me such joy to remember him and to share the strength of his story with others.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: It’s not ok right now, but it will be someday. It’s ok to not be ok.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: In the simplest most basic nutshell, “This too shall pass”. It just takes one foot in front of the other to move. Stay in bed, don’t go to work, don’t answer emails, let the phone ring, let yourself be in your grief, and mourn your baby when you need to. It’s ok. Then as days go on, when you feel like getting dressed, putting makeup on, or allowing yourself to smile and laugh again, that’s totally ok too.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: Absolutely. They provided amazing support that made a world of a difference for me and our family.

March Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Alisea Montanez

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, It really does come in waves and layers. It’s important to allow yourself to feel those emotions because when you try to suppress them it only makes things more difficult. Don’t allow those moments of joy to be stolen by shame. You are allowed peace, joy, sadness, anger, confusion…it is ALL understandable.

Q. WHO ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

A. My name is Alisea. I have a beautiful 6-year-old Julisa, my husband Jose, and my rainbow baby Jericho.

Q. HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT THE FINLEY PROJECT AND WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED AS A SUPPORT COORDINATOR?

A. I first heard of The Finley Project through a family member. I lost my son Julian a week before my scheduled c-section and I was so lost. After going through the program, I experienced such healing through my journey. Thanks to The Finley Project, I was paired with Rachelle (my sponsor) who is now one of my best friends. Thanks to her I was able to talk to someone who could relate and help me through her own pain. I wanted to be able to provide the same love she showed me through such a trying time.

Q. WHAT IS ONE WORD OF ADVICE THAT YOU TELL YOUR MOMS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING?

A. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, It really does come in waves and layers. It’s important to allow yourself to feel those emotions because when you try to suppress them it only makes things more difficult. Don’t allow those moments of joy to be stolen by shame. You are allowed peace, joy, sadness, anger, confusion…it is ALL understandable.

Q. DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPTURE/QUOTE/BOOK/OR SONG THAT HAS ENCOURAGED YOU LATELY?

A. Look Up Child by Lauren Daigle was a go-to song for me.

Q. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU OR WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN?

A. I'm really good at impersonating people with different accents and I write poetry.

February Spotlight - TFP Mother

Lashana Standard

“Despite the heartache, it was my faith in God, counseling, and support groups that aided me to overcome the pain and begin raising awareness and start supporting women and their families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.”

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: I’m located in Pennsauken, NJ and it was 2/24/2018

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: Hello my name is Lashana. After having previous children which are boys, I was happy and excited to announce that I was having a girl. My pregnancy was going healthy and good. I lost my baby girl at 34 weeks due to a placenta abruption. She was stillborn but still born.

Three days before, I had a doctor's appointment and Shaniya was fine and healthy. On February 24, 2018, at 8 am I woke up to contractions; they were rapid and painful. By the time I got to the hospital, they did an ultrasound and Shaniya had no heartbeat. Leaving the hospital without Shaniya was devastating. I leaned on God, counseling, and support groups to help me through the pain. I understand what it feels like to handle grief alone, especially when it appears others have moved on with their lives and the desire to heal through the pain of infant loss.

Despite the heartache, it was my faith in God, counseling, and support groups that aided me to overcome the pain and begin raising awareness and start supporting women and their families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: I have an Angel now looking after her family wherever we go. Shaniya is always with us and knew how loved she was.

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: To let her know that she is still a mother and nothing was her fault. Take your time to grieve and heal and don’t forget self-care.

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: They helped with house cleaning, massages, groceries. After losing a baby, you have to take time for yourself to heal.

January Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Taylor Gathye

“I tell my moms to give themselves grace and to not let anyone tell them how to grieve. Everyone grieves differently and everyone should be able to walk through their grief in ways that work best for them.”

Q. WHO ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

A. My boyfriend is Noah, my oldest son is Cameron, and our angel baby is Benjamin. We live in Clermont, Florida.

Q. HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT THE FINLEY PROJECT AND WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED AS A SUPPORT COORDINATOR?

A. I heard about The Finley Project through a friend after our 10 1/2-month-old son, Benjamin, unexpectedly passed away in January of 2020. It was the hardest year of my life and The Finley Project helped me see that my life wasn't over because we lost our son, it was just taking a different route. I started to see the light again and I wanted to be able to help other mothers who were in the same place that I was a year ago. Being able to help these moms is also quite healing for me as well.

Q. WHAT IS ONE WORD OF ADVICE THAT YOU TELL YOUR MOMS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING?

A. I tell my moms to give themselves grace and to not let anyone tell them how to grieve. Everyone grieves differently and everyone should be able to walk through their grief in ways that work best for them.

Q. DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPTURE/QUOTE/BOOK/OR SONG THAT HAS ENCOURAGED YOU LATELY?

A. I have a playlist on my phone called "Give Me Strength". One of my favorites is Rescue by Lauren Daigle. But the whole playlist is so uplifting. I would be happy to share if anyone was interested.

Q. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU OR WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN?

A. I am a Family Law Paralegal and love what I do. I get to help people through what seems like the toughest part of their lives and see them come out stronger on the other side. I love being able to help in any way that I can.

December Spotlight - TFP Mother

Natalie Whiting

“You will be okay, I can promise you that. However, you will never be the same.”

Q: Where are you located and when was your loss?

A: Palm Bay, FL November 2020

Q: Tell us your story of love and loss

A: Paisleigh was our surprise baby. She was perfect. Every ultrasound, she showed us her beautiful face. The last week of my pregnancy (34 weeks) I noticed she wasn’t moving as much. I went into L&D twice and was already being seen by my high-risk doctor & OB. My OB saw me Friday and said I just had a naughty baby who didn’t want to wake up for the tests. By Saturday afternoon, I knew something wasn’t right. I drove myself to L&D where I was taken back and hooked up to the monitor. There was a faint heartbeat. Our baby girl was in great distress. I was rushed back for an emergency c-section. I had no epidural or general anesthesia when my doctor started cutting me open. My baby girl was ripped out of me and went 19 minutes without oxygen until they brought her back. She suffered severe brain damage (HIE). She was life-flighted to a level 3 NICU 2 hours away. While I recovered, they helped her the best they could. Sadly, by her sixth day of life, the MRI revealed our baby girl didn’t have much of a chance at life. That night we took her off the ventilator and the first time I held her was the last time. She died on my chest. 

Q: What's the best thing someone said to you in the midst of your grief?

A: “You will be okay, I can promise you that. However, you will never be the same.”

Q: If you had advice for a new grieving mom, what would it be?

A: You did everything right. You’re the best mother your baby could have had. 

Q: How has The Finley Project helped you during your time of grief?

A: They gave me a village to hold me up when I fell to the deepest darkest place on Earth.

November Spotlight - TFP Volunteer

Mary Werner

“A mother’s love has no boundaries and we can make it our lives work to continue to parent them and love them even if we can’t see them or physically be with them.”

Q. WHO ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

A. I live about an hour outside of Chicago in Michigan City, Indiana on the shores of Lake Michigan. I am a wife to my husband Bob and the mother of two. My first-born daughter Sinéad Philomena lived for 90 days before she died unexpectedly due to Necrotizing enterocolitis. We welcomed her little brother MacKenzie “Mac” into our family in 2019. He is now 18 months old.

Q. HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT THE FINLEY PROJECT AND WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED AS A SUPPORT COORDINATOR?

A. In the early weeks of my loss, I was completely devastated and searching for anything, anyone who could relate to me. My husband and I escaped to Mexico for a month and it was on that trip that I scoured the internet for resources and landed on the Finley Project’s website. I believe that it was divine intervention and I immediately wrote my application and submitted it. Last fall, almost 3 years after the death of my daughter I felt this tug on my heart to give back to moms who were now in that exact same place I stood just a few years before. I have been so honored to serve two mothers in the program so far. I plan to continue this work, the work of our children, in some way, shape, or form for as long as I live.

Q. WHAT IS ONE WORD OF ADVICE THAT YOU TELL YOUR MOMS THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING?

A. I always want my moms to know that they were, and still are, the BEST mother to their sons and daughters. Their love for their child is unlike any other and extends far beyond our physical life here on Earth. A mother’s love has no boundaries and we can make it our lives work to continue to parent them and love them even if we can’t see them or physically be with them.

Q. DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPTURE/QUOTE/BOOK/OR SONG THAT HAS ENCOURAGED YOU LATELY?

A. My favorite quote- “Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege” - an Irish proverb 3 of my favorite books I highly recommend reading: When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner, You Are The Mother of All Mothers by Angela Miller, and I Will Carry You by Angie Smith

Q. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU OR WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN?

A. I’m a labor and delivery nurse in Chicago and I chose this specialty after my daughter’s death in hopes that I could help women and families through the best days and the hardest days of their life. Prior to her death, I was a pediatric cancer care nurse but I knew that if I returned to nursing after my loss, I would need to feel purpose and a connection to my daughter in my work. Now at work, I get to care for and advocate for women during one of the biggest moments of their lives. My daughter’s life and death give me a different lens into the realities of pregnancy and infant loss and I believe it allows me to truly and wholly care for pregnant women in a special way that I wouldn’t have been able to without having gone through the death of a child. I like to think Sinéad guides me at work and she certainly gives me the courage to help others even in my own times of grief.